I’m going to begin this week’s letter with a correction/piece of shameless self-promotion. The Mass Media and SAEC’s first annual Oktoberfest on the point celebration, originally scheduled (and advertised in last weeks issue; whoops!) for Monday October 20 has been rescheduled for Monday October 27. We are going to have authentic German sausage, kegs of root beer and depending on the mood of the Powers That Be, traditional music. The upshot: You should come and don’t forget your lederhosen.

This week’s Mass Media, much like your favorite supermarket checkout-rag, is full of scandal, celebrity and intrigue. No, we are not making up news and rumors (well, not anymore…) but these are some stories that should get your attention. The movie rights to this edition have in fact just been optioned and, much to in-house movie critic David Lombino’s dismay, Michael Bay has signed on to direct.

First, in news, SCANDAL! Olesia Plokhii gives us the tale of a vicious attack perpetrated on a university employee by an uneven concrete sidewalk block outside of Wheatley. Is she okay? Who’s responsible? For the answers to these and more, you’ll have to read for yourself. Also in news, opinion section stalwart Stephanie Fail takes a turn at news writing with her account of a bloody night at the Hempstead presidential debates.

Arts holds John Kane III’s intriguing tale of his journey through rooms made out of Styrofoam cups and Mylar tubing. What sounds like a crazy acid trip at a garbage dump is actually Tara Donovan’s fascinating exhibit at the ICA, where up is down, left is right and trash is art.

Finally, Charlie Peters introduces us to campus celebrity and volleyball coach Terry Condon. While she’s not dating Scarlett Johansson or going into rehab, Coach Condon is one of the greatest American female volleyball players of all time and has the hardware to prove it. Find out what makes the heart of a champion tick (and what the hell she’s doing stuck at this jerkwater) in sports.