UMass Boston's independent, student-run newspaper

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

2-26-24 PDF
February 26, 2024
An inside look at Bobby B. Beacon’s insides. Illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano/ Mass Media Staff.
Bobby's Inside Story
February 26, 2024

Darby’s Dirty Secrets

So you would have thought we would have talked this to death by now. But not quite. Some people still don’t seem to get me when I say “safer sex”. Everyone thinks it’s a great idea, but in practice, we seem to be a little shaky. A condom here or there, and not always successfully, and that’s about it for some of you out there. I hear so many complaints that it just doesn’t feel as good, but neither does a case of herpes or a pregnancy you weren’t expecting. You can be infected for months or longer and not know. And pregnancy from precum does happen so don’t give me that “pull-out” crap! Learn to be safe, make it a regular thing, and find ways to make it fun!

Let us start with condoms. Condoms are fabulous! The come in all sorts of fun colors (glow-in-the-dark can be a fun little game), tasty flavors, and sizes. The average condom is 7.5in long, 2in wide at the shaft and a little wider at the head (fits a phallus about 4in. in girth). They make snugger fit condoms that are narrower at the shaft (1.75in wide) which are a good choice if a regular condom keeps slipping off. Large condoms are usually a little more than 2in. wide and XL about the same but with more than 2.5in of headroom. Feel it out. Different brands fit differently so try a few. Also, rumor has it according to the TheyFit website that they will be launching custom-fit condoms in ’08 so check them out at http://www.condomerie.com/theyfit/.

For those allergic to latex, which is your standard condom, there is also polyurethane. Polyurethane is thinner than latex, which some of you might find more stimulating. It is also a little less flexible so lube is your friend!

Speaking of lube, the No. 1 reason condoms break is….survey says….LACK OF LUBRICATION! Get it wet people! Saliva can dry up pretty quick and isn’t always the safest way to go, but a little lube goes a long way!

There are three basic kinds of lubes. The first is water-based. It’s safe to use with all your latex and everything in your box full of sex toys. It cleans up easy (and won’t stain your sheets). Some water-based lubes contain glycerin, so if you are prone to yeast infections, check the label. Flavored lubes are usually water-based but usually contain sugar, and there are some places you don’t want sugar (in general don’t put anything with sugar in it in your vag/ass, its not pretty), so check the label or use externally.

The next kind of lube is oil-based. This includes Vaseline, Crisco, baby oil, massage oils, lotion, etc. Its nice and slick but can only be used with a polyurethane condom NEVER latex (it will destroy it). Oil-based lubes have also been known to leave a residue that can cause infections on the anus or vagina. But guys, if you want to masturbate with it, go right ahead!

The last kind is silicone which is also safe with latex, lasts longer, and won’t wash off with just water, so if you want to get it on in the shower, lube it on up! Just don’t use it on your dildos; it’ll be the death of your expensive toys!

For all you nature junkies out there check out organic lubes such as YES, Sylk, and Good Clean Love.

So safe sex doesn’t stop with condoms and lube! Dental dams, small pieces of latex used for oral sex, can be great fun! Put lube on the bottom side for your playmate to enjoy and put something extra yummy like chocolate or honey or fluff on your side and start eating! If you can’t afford a dam cut up a condom into a square or believe it or not you can use plastic wrap (and you can get all sorts of kinky with that)!

Surgical gloves are important too, for fingering or fisting so you don’t get anything in any cuts on your hands. And girls with long nails, put cotton balls in the tips of your gloves if you insist on fingering someone with your claws. Plus they are fun; they come in different colors and who doesn’t like to play doctor?

So try some new things, see what works for you and be as safe as you can. Get tested regularly too. For free testing contact the Mass General Hospital STD Clinic at 617-726-2748. Be safe and remember, if you’re not having fun, you’re not having good sex!