Being the first issue this semester I’ve decided to be gentle and use lots of lube here in breaking you all into my column. Always start with the basics, if you don’t know those you don’t stand much of a chance. I’m not talking about maneuvers, I’m talking knowing how to treat that boy, girl, or other that you want so bad to do dirty things with. A little R.E.S.P.E.C.T. goes a lot further than you may imagine. Now I’m not saying you have to worship each other or that you can’t call one another really dirty and degrading names when you are right about to blow. Just show a little decency and respect.

Here is what I mean. Too many people treat the person (or persons) they are screwing like a slut. Now, most people, unless specifically asking for that treatment as a form of role-play, don’t really care for it. And really, if you think they are so “loose morally”, are you really all that pure that you need to be passing judgments? Doubtful. Show a little respect. Treat people like human beings instead of objects; they like it better and it makes for better sex, I promise.

Try telling them what you want. You want a one-night stand, a relationship, to play with their feet, a blowjob, whatever the desire, be honest. You’re more likely to get what you were truly looking for this way without the games, lies, hurt feelings, and rumors. You can really dig yourself a hole, and not the hole you were looking to fill. You might also find out a bit more quickly if you are all looking for the same thing. If you want moonlit walks on a leash as part of a polyamorous long-term relationship and they want a monogamous fuck-buddy then you may have some things to work out or reconsider before getting too attached.

Try not to freak when a person is being honest with you. In most cases they aren’t trying to be a jerk, they are trying to avoid it. So chill. You have choices, you can choose to do fascinating things to them or you can choose to walk away. No need to laugh, or degrade, just respect them back if they have been upfront with you.

And respect each other’s limits or well, or you can get into really uncomfortable and damaging situations. They say wear a condom, listen, don’t ignore them. If they say “it freaks me out if you cuff me to the bed”, that is not an invitation. No means no, people, and when in question ask until you get an enthusiastic “YES, JUST DO IT NOW!” or a resounding “NO!” And don’t be afraid to let someone know what your limits are. It’s your body and mind, show them some respect too and take care of them.

Sex is a two-way street (or sometimes a busy intersection) and there are ways to avoid accidents. Just remember to respect each other. Try being honest and don’t disregard those limits that are set. It’s really not all that hard and it increases your chances of repeat performances and mind-blowing orgasms. And remember, you can still call each other nasty things, just let each other know you have mutual respect first then have a blast! Give it a shot; let me know how it works out! And don’t forget, if you’re not having fun you’re not having good sex!