Now that Easter has come and gone the grocery stores have reduced Easter candy to half off in the hopes that they can unload the once precious cargo into our glutinous, post-holiday, pasty guts. But here’s the kicker- with all the choices what is one to choose? I mean are all chocolate bunnies created equal? As we all well know from disappointing discoveries of Easter past, some candy is really freaking gross. So, yours truly, the Mass Media has taken it upon ourselves to do something for the community and do a little Easter candy taste test among the unsuspecting students of UMass. After all, if you’re going to get a cavity it better be worth it.

Reese’s Eggs vs Butterfinger EggsReeses“This is really good. I like that kind of fake, sugary, peanut buttery- like, cheap chocolate.MM: Is it a party in your mouth?No, more like an intimate get together with my worst friends. Butterfingerpeanut butter tastes gross. It’s like a frat party where only girls are invited and if you go you get beat up.It’s smooth and crispy. Not too sweet. It doesn’t taste like real peanut butter. I like this one better because it’s crunchy. It’s got more personality.MM: If both the eggs were people: what would the Reese’s be like and what would the Butterfinger be like?The Reese’s would be from the South and the Butterfinger would be from the North.

Peeps vs Brachs marshmallow BunnyPeepsTastes like nothing. It’s gross. This is sweet and sweet gross. MM: Where do you think marshmallows come from?Horse hooves.BrachsA little less sugar, kind of chewy. This one is chewier- like a Charleston Chew marshmallow.PeepsYummy. MM: What do you think Marshmallows are made of?Marshmallows.Brachs(puts the bunny down without saying a word)MM: Do you want another Peep?(nods)

Battle of the Jelly BeansJolly RancherMmmm, good. They actually taste like Jolly Ranchers.MM: Do you know what flavors they are?Yeah, red, pink, blue, pink, yellow,BrachsUgh (spits it out in napkin). They’re varying flavors of mint.Jolly RancherGood, yummy. Tastes like oranges. It’s nice.BrachsIt’s like medicine.Jolly RancherMM: Which flavor is it?Blue.MM: Is it a party in your mouth?No, more like cavities in my mouth.BrachsI like these, they have a spicy flavor.Most people did not describe the jellybeans using the prescribed fruit flavors. A green jellybean was “green” flavor, not apple and so on. We can only take this too mean that most people think that jellybeans don’t come from fruit. Kids today.

Chocolate Easter BunniesRussel StoverIt’s not chalky, dark chocolate is sometimes chalky.Dairy GoodMM: Does it taste like real chocolate?(Makes disgusted face) Dark one better.Russel StoverRich, very dark, too dark. It’s, like, raw- bitter. Dairy GoodI like this one better. Smooth.MM: Would you eat a real bunny? What if it had a cute bow on?NoMM: What part of the chocolate bunny do you usually eat first?I’d keep the bunny.Okay, now be careful. Candy can be dangerous. Leaving bags of concentrated sugar around can lead people to binge. A jellybean binge ain’t pretty. Sure it’s crazy fun time for about twenty minutes, but then you come down. You’re belly will feel like crap; you get bags under your eyes; you can’t motivate yourself to do anything; sometimes it feels like the only thing that’ll get you to move is another handful of the rainbow colored sweet beans. At that point, it’s time to stop. Get yourself some help. Go for a jog, I figure you burn jellybeans at the rate of a handful of beans per mile.