It is just simply talking. Your vocal chords tremble and vibrate, and thus sound emanates from your mouth and you talk. You learned it at the age of five; I have been told by friends and loved ones that I am unable to accomplish this task. I am the non-communicator.

I have been haggled, harassed, and yelled at for non-response to unchecked voicemails, e-mails, and addressed mail parcels. For some strange occurrence of the human mind, my non responsiveness is seen as a threat to their immediate response world. It is not through hatred that I do these things; that I do not respond to a voicemail or leave e-mail messages unchecked or un-responded to for weeks on end, it is simply that I do not seem to care. These messages that I ignore, are not those of the imperative nature, they are mostly the “how are you”s and “how’s everything going”s, which maybe polite and thoughtful in nature, however, I see no need to respond to these.

Men, by nature do not have long phone conversations or write happy birthday cards. I think it may stem back to the cavemen period when all we had were a series of grunts and head nods to allow for all meanings and emotions to be conveyed from one hairy ape-descendent to another. But now, with technology and communication skills evolving, we men must now make the attempt to “keep in touch”.

We have all said it; it’s the most common phrase, the conclusion of any conversation or farewell to a friend. The “stay in touch”. We all mean it at the time, perhaps somewhere we even make a mental note to call this or that person; for the lucky and very organized few we even put it in our daily planners that we must see how things are going with this individual. I, and I believe many others like me, do not do this. I have never, and probably never will call a male friend of mine to simply ask “how things are going”. To me, a situation in which this would occur immediately creates the mental image of sitting in a warm bubble bath, lighted candles and scented fragrances surrounding the tub, and there I am; cordless phone in hand, gossiping to one person or another about my life’s events.

And what may I ask, is so important about keeping in touch with these individuals? Do we really care if so and so did this, or if so and so did that. In the rare, off chance, that I do end up calling someone under the circumstances that I need to get in touch with them, be it a chance to visit them or ask them out for a beer, we inevitably run out of conversation quickly and must revert back to the “how’s it going’s”. When this occurs in a conversation, we all grope our minds for the most interesting and exciting sections of our life to tell the person on the other line. We are never quite as interested in finding out what they are doing. I have yet to meet someone who half-heartedly or even whole-heartedly can convince me that something I have told them of interest that is occurring in my life sparks any sort of excitement or rejoice in them.

So, in conclusion, we are not trying to keep in touch at all, but brag and boast about what little excitements may be occurring in our own world. When I see that unchecked voicemail, or e-mail unreturned I do not respond, not because I am biased toward that person or hold him or her in disregard, but for the pure and simple fact that I have nothing of interest in my life that I feel justifies a response. I am the non-communicator and I am not alone, because whether you like it or not, you are one too.