Monday, October 16

9:23 AM: Police arrived at Healey Library to find that the automatic handicap door had flung open and struck an unsuspecting lady in the head. Due to sustained injuries from the handicap door, the lady was sent to the hospital…What’s the definition of irony?

12:09 PM: A UMB student reported being harassed by another student on the first floor of the Administration building. After showing up, police found that the student in violation had been mentally unstable and was being tended to by his father, who eventually took him to be cared for at St. Anne’s hospital.

3:19 PM: A woman caused a disturbance on the second floor of the McCormack building. When confronted to leave by someone in the area, the woman refused to do so. She did, however, part ways upon the Police’s arrival. Tuesday, October 17

2:48 PM: A car crashed into the front parking barrier at the temporary lot located between McCormack and Wheatley Halls. The front bumper of the car was pulled off due to the accident, but nobody was seriously hurt. Wednesday, October 18

11:53 PM: A man was reported to the police for yelling at somebody, and causing a scene in the Bursar’s office. Police tended to the call, but the suspect fled the scene before anybody could apprehend him.

3:33 PM: Witnesses in the Healey Library reported a man for making indecent gestures with his hand while viewing pornographic material on the 4th floor computers of the library. Police arrived at the scene to find the perpetrator had fled, but they are still on the lookout for someone fitting his description.

Thursday, October 19

12:55 PM: Somebody had something stolen from them on the 3rd floor of the McCormack Building. We here at the Mass Media feel sympathy for the bereaved, and wish them well in their future endeavors.

11:53 PM: An infamous band of men who drink beer after renting ice-time in the Clarke Building has struck again. The group, known for their weekly indiscretions of beer swilling, was granted a warning by the police. See you guys next week…say around 11:30-11:45pm?

Saturday, October 21

1:54 PM: A person lost something…or, perhaps it was stolen.

2:34 PM: A 14 year old girl was reported missing after her parents came to pick her up at the Campus Center Circle around 2 PM, only to find that the girl was nowhere on the UMass-Boston campus. The girl, who had been attending a program held on the UMB campus, was eventually found by her parents at their home. She claims to have gone off the campus with friends afterwards.