71°
UMass Boston's independent, student-run newspaper

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

More Hot Buns Than a Bakery

The new movie, The Covenant has been getting fairly decent ratings from critics in the standards of Hollywood cheap flicks. Yet, in the spectrum of those who practice Wicca or have a close relation to Salem and the former families of that area, it’s considered an unconceivable premise for a film, and overall bad. I’m neither of these. So when it comes to someone who rarely goes to the movie theater, due to the prices and lack of anything enticing on screen (I like to rent and watch films recommended by people more film-literate and indie-intellectual than myself) I have to say this movie wasn’t half bad considering the circumstances. I recommend this film for a rainy Friday night with a boyfriend, girlfriend, or friend. I’ll stand by The Covenant being a good enough movie to pay (discount tickets @ Student Life) to see, or at least rent on one of those stay-inside days. I wouldn’t set aside a gorgeous afternoon for this movie, nor would I postpone going to a hip club or a night of Yahtzee for it.

I felt The Covenant was entertaining and I enjoyed it for a few reasons. It’s not a movie I’d typically watch. I’d consider it in the vein of American Pie with not as much reception from horny pubescent beer drinkers. I would go as far as to say it’s much like the Scream films, or even I Know What You Did Last Summer, but with less acclaim. Its popularity amongst junior high and high school students may vary, since the aforementioned films were on repeat all October during my adolescence. But this movie is far from scary and has no big name actors. I could hypothesize that at least one of the main actors is from a Soap Opera. So it fares well enough with odds against it. The audience at the Boston Theatre where I viewed it appeared to be appeased.

The premise of The Covenant revolves around four college guys whose ancestry gives them an advantage; they’re witches with grandiose powers. But aside from their inherited magical forces, they come fully equipped with great hair, top notch vehicles, and impossibly perfect abs. The metaphysical battles the fab-four endure in conquering the antagonist, evil villain and missing member of the witch families from Salem, only adds to the friction. The magical fight scenes which appear half Matrix, half Exorcist are excitingly over the top and put this film into a possible Action genre.

One of the only reasons I thought The Covenant was successful was due to it’s non-exploitation of women. Most movies that are in the same vein as this film will show a hip college chick’s breast at the drop of a dime, no questions asked, whether or not there’s a reason for it. But in The Covenant a cheap shot of a breast, a butt cheek or even girl on girl kissing was not added to the film to enhance the plot. However, if the producers of this film thought for a minute it would be taken seriously, or categorized in the great Witch films of history simply because of a few tasteful discussions, they’ve got another thing coming. I did notice that although this movie was sans breasts, it was not without a fair share of naked men. The homo-eroticism of this film was apparent not only to myself, but to others who’ve seen it. Scenes with sweaty topless men were in abundance, as well as speedos and bare bottomed locker room rat-tailing. This may be the only reason I enjoyed it. As I was sitting with my boyfriend, I got to look at all the wet, slicked and brawny dudes practically naked, while the girls in the film did not come equipped with gigantic plastic breasts, nor did they wear anything less than a tank top and shorts. Even, the girl’s shower scene left the audience wondering, “why didn’t her towel fall”? Or, “why are the dudes in G-strings and the girls in full coverage bathing suits”? I didn’t ask this question, I was satisfied. The Covenant was not necessarily good. It was just far from bad.