Welcome to UMBeMine!
Our goal with this column is to foster responsible discussion within our community of sex and relationships. You WON’T see pieces here that degrade their subject, knowingly promote stereotypes, shame, or intolerance, or which, taken as a whole, lack serious value or thought.
Neither of us has any formal training or licensure as psychotherapists; we don’t claim to be one or substitute as one. (If you need professional help, please go get it.)
If, however, you want to hear how two open-minded, plain-speaking students (who’ve been around a few blocks and have ready ears and shoulders) might approach a given sex or relationship circumstance, you’ve come to the right place. Each week, we’ll answer your questions anonymously and write some short articles on the state of Love in and around Beantown.
We hope you stick with us at least as long as your last relationship.
In love,Wicked Pussycat and Lovechester
Have you got a burning question for ‘Cat and ‘Chester?Send an e-mail to [email protected]. Your privacy is guaranteed.Dear UMBeMine:
I was on my boyfriend’s computer. We live together and we share everything) and I had to adjust some privacy settings in his Web browser. I was doing that and I found that he only had two sites listed as ‘Always Accept’, a sports site and a site for a local escort girl! Our sex life hasn’t been as active recently, but in my mind we were mostly OK. I don’t think I could stand it if he was going to see a prostitute. It would definitely be OVER! I want to confront him about it, but what if he says yes and our relationship has to end? I feel like I want to puke right now, please help.
Browser Trouble in Boston
Dear Browser Trouble:
The biggest issue here is trust. Ask yourself if you trust your man, and if you’re committed to having a healthy, loving relationship even when things get rough. If the answers are yes, then you’ll probably get through this just fine. If either of those answers is no, then you’ve got bigger problems to solve. This could be as innocent as clicking on an ad while surfing and hitting the “Accept” button by mistake. It could also be that your boyfriend likes to look at naughty pictures. If she’s got some on her site, maybe he was just curious. Do some research, check out her site with your browser set to prompt you before accepting cookies and see how the site uses cookies. No matter what you find, you definitely need to talk to him about it. If you trust him, be direct without being confrontational. Let him know how you found the site, and how you feel, and that you trust him. But tell him that you need an explanation. Listen to him and watch his reactions carefully. We often don’t realize it, but many of us can pick up on our partner’s ‘tells’. If you pay attention, you’ll recognize the truth.
Sincerely,Lovechester
Dear UMBeMine:
I met this man at a party and we really hit it off. We’ve had a couple of dates which went really well, and I’m starting to think it could get serious….but he pisses me off when he doesn’t call me back for four or five days and he’s broken plans twice now. Should I even bother?
Hopeful in Cambridge
Dear Hopeful:
Have you read the book “He Just Not That Into You” by Greg Behrendt? If not, pick it up. An ex of mine always used to tell me he watched what I did, not what I said. So, if you’re ready to move beyond the casual, you have a right to want more regular attention. If you like this guy and want to keep seeing him, tell him so. But also tell him that you can’t deal with that kind of behavior from someone you’re dating. If you really like him, you may have to accept him as he is and deal with the fact that he could be a bit of a flake. If he knows that returning calls promptly and keeping plans are requirements to date you, he oughta shape up.
Sincerely,Lovechester