We’ve been watching the Presidential primaries with studied disinterest. Old grist for the Mass Media editorial mill, Mitt Romney, has been having problems. The official line this paper takes is that we support Romney’s candidacy because it necessitates him staying far away from Massachusetts; we don’t want him here, he wants to pretend we don’t exist. It’s like an old relationship that went awry-maybe if we don’t think about it, it never happened. It’s just better that way.

The thing is, Romney’s new flame isn’t particularly enamored of him either. As he pursues the Republican nomination against John McCain, who is viewed with distrust by the once-feared and still toadied-to Republican base, and Rudy Giuliani, who is viewed as “too moderate” to make it out of the primaries, Romney thinks he can outflank them on the right.

The problem is, though, the Republican base have discovered what we knew all along. That is, Mitt Romney lies. As a result, he’s earned a new nickname, and here we let Erick of the website RedState.com take over:

“I think I’m done with the campaign of Willard Mitt Romney. I’m tired of it. His campaign and the potential for his nomination has jumped the shark. No Republican candidate for President has ever more deserved the title ‘Multiple Choice Mitt.’

I’m tired of the explanations and I’m tired of the dodges. First there was abortion. He was for it, then really for it, then really, really for it, then indifferent to it, and now against it. Some of his supporters and people on his campaign have called Sam Brownback pro-choice. At least Sam has never been multiple-choice. And when Sam became pro-life, he actually fought the pro-life fight. I’m not aware of Mitt Romney ever passionately fighting the fight for life. He has, at best, been lukewarm — playing it safe, but not actually advocating. And he’s played it so safe, that on stem cell research he’s been willing to split the baby with parental consent. Then there was campaign finance reform. Mitt was for it more than McCain before he was against it more than McCain. He’s tried to caveat his way out of it, but his caveats have been so nuanced as to be meaningless.”

Good ole Multiple-Choice Mitt. Hot on RedState’s heels, our neighbors The Boston Globe reported Feb. 19 that Romney joined the NRA in August in an obvious mating call to his desired voters. The problem is that in 1994, when he ran against Senator Kennedy, he backed several measures the gun group opposed, such as a five-day waiting period after purchase and a ban on assault rifles.

Assault rifle bans are reasonable enough propositions, but it’s not really about whether he supports a ban or not. It’s not about abortion, either. No, what will sink Mitt Romney’s candidacy is none other than Mitt Romney. He never saw high ground he couldn’t scurry to like a frenzied rat. It’s all about Mitt. We’ve known this for years. We witnessed it in action during Romney’s absentee term, when he pre-campaigned on our dime and only trashed us,in return the second he crossed state lines. Now the Right are finding out.

So the Romney candidacy is doomed from the start. The “flip-flopper” meme ran so strong against John Kerry in 2004, and 2004 was so recent, that it seems there’s no way that Romney can beat the rap. It’s unreasonable to expect that no politician should ever change their mind, but consistency is the issue with a group of voters that demand strong, sound moral judgments. There are many reasonable, intelligent, right wing voters, and we like to think that people of any political stripe are willing to accommodate the change of heart. But there is a difference between changing heart and waving in the winds of political expediency, and this is where Romney finds himself wriggling. It couldn’t happen to a more facile guy.

Good luck, Mitt. Don’t call us. Our new boyfriend, this guy Deval, is cute, smart, and most importantly, faithful.