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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Bibliophile gets it on again

Welcome back to my two-part review of Paul Joannides’ “Guide to Getting it On.” Last week we covered the sex tips and tricks offered in the guide’s “how to” section, and with any luck you loyal readers have been bending each other every which way. This week we’ll delve into the many sections of this versatile book that don’t deal with how to properly stroke and stoke your partner.

This voluminous text also offers readers some handy tips for dealing with relationships, self-love and one’s own sexuality. There are even sections on health and parenting to go with such useful chapters as “Balls, Balls, Balls” and “Fun with Your Foreskin.”

When it comes to issues dealing with sex, asking questions can be very difficult. This is especially true for college students who are often times out on their own for the first time and feeling the pressure to acquire sexual conquests like a bag lady collecting discarded soda cans.

This social pressure and newfound freedom can often lead to bad decisions that may be regretted once the blood returns to the brain. The guide offers readers suggestions on how to deal with a number of difficult topics, like losing your virginity, having a same-sex relationship and how to support properly a partner with a medical condition or who has experienced traumatic sexual experiences in the past.

According to Joannides, pregnancy completely changes the way many women think about sex. While pregnancy is often the last thing on the mind of college students, some of the underlying concepts are applicable to women in general. Joannides says, “some pregnant women will want more intimacy […] while others will want space.” Such advice is not specific to pregnant women, and the book’s advice on how to handle the unpredictability of a pregnant woman is applicable to women. I’m sorry, but it’s true, even I rarely know how women will react to my extremely charming advances.

One of the guide’s deepest chapters is entitled “Rape and Abuse – Good Sex after Bad.” The chapter deals with the emotional aftermath of victims of violent sex crimes and differentiates between rape and abuse. It also shares some of the ways that victims of sexual assault have found helpful in recovering in the wake of such a terrible sexual encounter.

In addition to providing victims with instructions on how to rebuild a healthy sex life, the chapter also advises what steps to take in the event you become a victim of rape and offers counseling resources to help cope after the fact. The chapter ends with real life stories of men and women who suffered sexual abuse and rape and how they have recovered.

However, not everything in the guide is so heavy. Don’t miss the section on proper gardening of the pelvic palisades; from light landscaping to full-on weed whacking, this book will guide you to a luscious lawn. Ever wonder if shaving really causes your hair to grow back thicker? According to the guide, “there is no truth to the myth that shaving results in a thicker hair follicle or increased hair growth.”

Phew, that’s a load off my mind, I can now return to reaping the crops without worry. But should I wax or tweeze? Could electrolysis be the answer? Let’s face it, in the 21st century keeping the playing field in tip-top shape is key, no one likes bushwhacking.

If, for some reason, part one of my review wasn’t reason enough to convince you to pick up a copy of massive mating manual then heed my advice and wait no longer. Rush out now and grab a copy of “The Guide to Getting it On.”