Horoscopes Aries- The cat is literally trying to get your tongue; keep your mouth closed tomorrow. Taurus- Do not attend that party Saturday night unless you want a STD Gemini- You lose large chunks of time, you have trouble sleeping or it seems you never sleep, and when you wake it is in a strange place days after you had fallen asleep. You have a alternate personality that has an affinity for mac and cheese his name is Robert Paulson. Cancer-On Wednesday an encounter with a bearded stranger will be totally pointless and a little awkward. You will sit next to him on the T and he will force you to come up with inane small talk or suffer in awkward silence Leo- Take time to smell the roses. Take time to smell a strangers hair, Take time to smell your pets, Take time to smell yourself. Take time to smell a friend, Then take time to smell your room. The monster under your bed has passed away. Virgo- Seek out new people. Your friends hate it when you laugh during the sad parts in movies. Libra- Go to Hawaii. Then you can finally say you got lea’d Scorpio- Your myriad of lovers have spoken. It’s time to cut off your rat tail. Sagittarius – Beware the one- legged Ballerina. Her plie will prove deadly. Capricorn- Tattoo the name of your lover smack dab in the middle of your gluteus maximus. It will help you in applications beyond the bedroom Aquarius – There comes a time in every young Aquarius’s life when they realize it’s time to put down the tabasco sauce. That time is now Pieces- Sell all your possessions and buy an RV. Travel the country spreading the message of the Cheese Messiah