Aries: March 21st – April 19thGet that rash checked out, something DID happen during that blackoutTaurus: April 20th – May 20thDon’t stand on street corners as it will re- sult in an uncomfortable encounter with a bearded stranger.Gemini: May 21st – June 21stThat blood feud your family has been hope- lessly engaged in for years will end suddenly and tragically due to your unabashed devotion to a member of the opposing family. Avoid apoth- ecaries and strange potions.Cancer: June 22nd – July 22ndYour lonely heart will lead to search desperately for some companionship. Try the Healy 9th floor faculty bathroom, I heard it’s good for a cheap thrill with an un named stranger.Leo: July 23rd – August 22ndBeware the color blue and all its hues. The stars suggest a correlation between blue and sudden injury to the left arm.Virgo: August 23rd – September 22ndYour Harry Potter fanaticism is be- coming a bit of a concern. Hermione is not a real person – get over it.Libra: September 23rd – October 22ndSo much is going on in your life that you feel your head is simply too small to accommodate all the shit you have to keep track of. To alleviate this pres- sure take 15 mins a day and just don’t give a fuck. But keep to a strict 15 you don’t want to get hooked on APATHY.Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21stYour suspicion that your stoner room- mate is secretly eating all the peanut but- ter at night is misplaced. Look for a more supernatural explanation.Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21stFeel free to let the slutyness just ooze off you this Halloween. People will still respect you come November.Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19thAll your drunk texting will pay off….in rejection. Try the old fashion method of face to face communication. Sobriety is also a plus.Aquarius: January 19th – February 18thFeeling self-conscious about your appear- ance? Try getting some new duds, a haircut, maicure, whatever you do when you want to feel spiffy. Then take that shinny new you to class wth renewed confidence.Pisces: February 19th – March 20thLow on cash, budget is tight, barley making ends meet. If only you didn’t have to buy that fat sack of sweetleaf every week.