Sampson being yanked back into his toture chamber.
For the first time in UMB history, a hazing incident was reported last week. On Tuesday, September 7th, Brook Sampson, a soon-to-be freshman, was cornered by a group of upperclassmen and forced to ride the freight elevator of the Campus Center for 30 minutes. According to eyewitnesses, the incident began in the main lobby elevator of the Campus Center. Sampson allegedly boarded an extremely crowded elevator and rode it one floor up. That’s when the hazing began.Several witnesses reported hearing shouting upon Sampson’s departure from the elevator. Susan Bigsby, an art major, saw the incident take place. “Four older guys were making fun of him for being lazy,” she said. “You know, squeezing on such a crowded elevator to ride only one floor and all. It was pretty harmless what they where saying but Sampson took it hard, he started cussing them out, tossing all kinds of insults and threats at them.” It is unknown how Sampson got from the first floor of the Campus Center to the freight elevator. According to police, Sampson was forced to ride the elevator for 30 minutes, eventually causing him to vomit and collapse. Karen Snufflupagus sat down with a Mass Media reporter and described what happened from her perspective. “There was a lot of unusual slamming and yelling,” she said. “I was in the third floor kitchen area when I heard it. I went to the door and saw two men in hooded sweatshirts. As I watched gripped by fear them for a bit, and suddenly this kid bursts through the elevator doors.” According to Snufflupagus, things escalated quickly. The men picked him up and threw him back into the elevator,” she said. “”I was shocked. More and more people began filling the landing, forcing the boy back into the elevator every time he made a run for the doors.” Tears welled up in Snufflupagus’s eyes. “I could hear the kid screaming at first, then begging for them stop, to please let him off, that he was going to be sick, but they all just laughed and pushed him back in.” Snufflupagus’s frustration was palpable as she recounted the final moments of the attack “I had to do something so I screamed for help but there was so much noise it seemed useless I tried to force my way in but they held the door closed, I screamed and shoved with all I had but it didn’t matter. As I struggled to push the door open I suddenly became aware of a silence, an eerie quite had overtaken the chaos the landing was clearing out quickly I feared the worst. Finally able to open the doors, I rushed in to see the kid collapsed in the corner of the elevator, covered in puke.” Although there were quite a few outspoken individuals who applauded the hazers’ actions, most of the witnesses interviewed were sympathetic to Sampsons’s plight. However, supporters of the hazers where quite outspoken, expressing a great deal of frustration caused by what they call “elevator abuse” Matt “The Castle” Lacasse elaborated “Ha! Serves him right!” He exclaimed. “The elevators should be used sparingly, all these newbies come in and ride it like a damn carnival ride up and down. Stops every floor.” The Campus Police are working closely with Sampson as well as multiple witnesses to determine the ring leading hazers’ identities. Law enforcement is asking anyone with any reliable information to please step forward. “We are taking this matter extremely seriously and are steadfast in our mission to bring these heartless hooligans to justice,”” said Police Chief. Erwin Von Ramstein. Most students and administration offices view this hazeing event as a tragedy, an ugly blemish on an otherwise clean record. However Community Awareness, Involvement and Management Director Joseph P Merryweather sees a silver lining. In an interview he explained “This shows a remarkable level of companionship and camaraderie amongst the older students. It shows that they are identifying with one another as upper classmen or returns.” Returns (short for returning students) identify with each other because they face the same challenges and have overcome similar hardships. Knowing where they are and where they have to go and how to get there the fastest is their most common thread. Unfortunately, it makes those who don’t know where they are or where they are going stand out. If there is continued strife between new students and returning ones I would expect a solidifying of these two groups, which in turn could boost the sense of belonging on UMB campus. Much like joining a club, being part of the hated freshmen might bring freshmen together and those bonds could stay strong, as they become the haters of the freshmen.” Attention readers: what you have just read is a mock article. Names have been made up to protect the non-existent, events have been invented for your entertainment
