Dating in our society is the only thing we know. We’re surrounded by dating apps: Tinder, Grindr, Bumble, etc. We meet each other through Instagram and Twitter, we have Snapchat streaks before we have a first date. It’s not that there’s something inherently wrong with any of this, it’s the juxtaposition you see when you compare it to dating years ago. I love to ask people how they met, but with couples today the stories are so dull. “Instagram” is the typical response I see, and that’s technically how I met my boyfriend as well!

But, how does this affect the way we date today? When do we know it’s appropriate to delete the dating app you met this person on? Do you stop seeing other people? Liking other pictures, Snapchatting others? There’s no special rule book on what’s okay and what’s not. I guess every couple is different. We all try to not be “crazy” or “clingy” but there are things that bother us, even if we pretend it doesn’t. And a lot of that stems from social media.

Something I have seen rising in couples lately is insecurity. If your best friend on Snapchat is someone else, this could cause fights in your relationship. Liking a guy’s shirtless photo or a girl’s bikini picture is the beginning of a jealous warfare. There’s always someone better out there: better looking, funnier, smarter, richer, whatever it may be. And today, all of these people are at your fingertips. A simple swipe of your thumb can be considered cheating.

This obviously sounds like a bad thing. However, before we had technology, you had no way of knowing what your partner did in their own time, you simply had trust. But if someone is going to cheat, they will. So, if a friend of yours sees your significant other on a dating app, then you’ll be able to catch them in the act compared to if they secretly were out seeing other people.

It all comes down to trust and boundaries. Do you trust your partner is going where they said they are? Do you trust them to like other people’s photos and not ever become physical with others? Are you going to read their messages or have their location? Do you share passwords with each other? Many of these tendencies can actually form abusive relationships—all because of a phone. It’s important to be vigilant when it comes to these warning signs. Though it may seem normal, it really isn’t. A relationship lacking trust is a relationship that is not going to be healthy. The best way to avoid this is to address what you’re comfortable with each other doing on social media, and try to name some boundaries (for example, don’t comment some heart eye emojis on another girl’s photo—basic stuff, people!)

It all sounds so “millennial,” but, it is what dating is today, and someone has to start the conversation about it.