I landed in Washington D.C. on a chilly, gray day. My shoulders ached from the numerous tech devices stashed away in my backpack, and my hands had calluses from my glittery V.S. tote. It was filled with presents that were painstakingly wrapped up with the minimal amount of wrapping paper; college often slaps you in the face with your financial situation, especially if you have a penchant to spend exorbitantly, if feeling a little depressed. My brother tackled me when he first caught sight of me, the full force of his six-foot frame practically dwarfing my five-foot frame. I couldn’t breathe for a solid minute, clutched in his grip as I was. But I didn’t mind. I was home.
I was surprised to find myself so happy to be home. My first semester of college allowed me to realize two key aspects of myself. The first was that I found myself perfectly content in solitude. The second was that I could never be homesick, as I do not miss people that much. But I suppose all of us, even those who do not miss people easily, feel the sudden rush of nostalgia at being in the company of those who have been in our lives every day up until we step out of that door, and embark upon a second education. I found it ironic that suddenly being in the company of my brother, father, and mother after so many months was when I missed them most. It was as if my subconscious decided to dump all that saudade that had been absent in the months prior to that moment. I’m gratified that the longing for my family appeared in their company, at least; it was like an immediate balm to a wound.
Coming home after college was also a road of surprises; I found myself missing the all-nighters, the constant study, the demand, and the deadlines. I suppose it was the absolute boredom that festered during break, outside of finally having the time to read and sleep. But I also realized something else: I am at my most entrepreneurial and creative when my boredom demands relief. I began to start work on my second book, a subject matter that is not as personal as the first (thank goodness). I designed more ideas for a future makeup line I want to begin. I learned how to sew properly (thanks, Mom), and added clothing design to the list of my creativities. I even began fashioning designs for an intimates couture (I can’t decide whether that was to amuse myself or if I’m serious—to be fair, my designs are quite enthralling). The break after the first semester is, I believe, a truly amazing opportunity to exercise your creativity.
Now that I face my second semester, I find myself filled with trepidation and a little anxiety. Mostly because this creative routine must be abandoned in favor of heavy textbooks that challenge my posture and deadlines that demand reading until my eyes are sure to bleed. But it’ll be alright, I tell myself. After all, I have a subconscious that holds the saudade in until the appropriate time it can be relieved, and I have new creativity to exercise and new aspirations to fulfill.