Aries - Stress is going to be high for you this week. Paper writing and test-taking will really mess with your need to prove yourself. Have your significant other gently massage you head and neck. Beware of Granny-smith apples. 

Taurus – Save your important files in many different places. Computer woes will be a great threat to your sense of security.

Gemini – Wear lots of blue on Friday. Stay alert. Being hyper-suspicious of friends and family will work to your advantage. Someone is up to something and it’s up to you to stop him.

Cancer – An unexplainable malady will greatly inhibit your sex life. Eat lots of pasta this week; skies indicate that your metabolism is kicking into overdrive.

Leo – A rogue Leo will threaten your pride of loyal friends and followers. Hip, stylish, cool accent – he will be tough to contend with.

Virgo – A failure in your professional life will result in a feeling of depression and will put a stain on personal relationships. Try to separate work and love. Divide and conquer.

Scorpio – A cavalcade of bearded stranger will affect your life drastically in a number of different ways throughout the week. Avoid the use of topical ointments.

Sagittarius – Your soul is tired of society. Daily interactions have you weary of feigning interest and being respectful. Get out into some woods and howl at the moon before you snap.

Capricorn – Try to show a little extra interest in your classes, ply your wares, and improve your grades.

Aquarius – As water sign you should be feeling replenished or renewed with a sense of vigor. Put it to good use. If you get the chance, dance naked in the rain. It will further enrich your spirit.

Pisces – Feeling amorous and trying to get close to someone? Add some hooch gear to your outfit – tube top, jeggins, blue eye shadow… that should do it.