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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

3-4-24 PDF
March 4, 2024
2-26-24 PDF
February 26, 2024
An inside look at Bobby B. Beacon’s insides. Illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano/ Mass Media Staff.
Bobby's Inside Story
February 26, 2024

From the Bottom of the Bag


How close is too close, anyway?

The writer of this article is a current TSA employee who wishes to remain anonymous.

There I was, at work at Boston Logan International Airport, Terminal B. Yes, I work for the Transportation Security Administration, one of those bastards most Americans have grown to hate for our “groping,” “naked body pictures,” and “invasive searches.” As much as you hate us, allow me to recount a traumatic experience I had to endure, so you might feel some sort of sympathy for us. Or, if not for the organization as a whole, then for the “grunts” who do the actual work, not those who force us to do it.

That said, there I was at work. The x-ray operator called me over to search a bag containing an item he could not make out. I also had not seen the item before, or I would have told him what it was to spare myself the agony of having to interact with a pompous passenger.

When the passenger, a white male of about 40, had seen that I picked up his bag to search, his face immediately dropped, and he asked, “You’re not searching my bag, are you?” I affirmed his suspicions, and he became a bit agitated.

Before searching his bag, I told him how and why I was searching it. His attitude and behavior became fairly hostile and confrontational. Staying alert and cautious, I began the examination. I pushed aside a pair of shoes, some shirts, and some toiletries to get to the item in question, which was buried at the bottom.

He tried multiple times to reach into the bag to try and prevent me from getting to the item. I deflected each and every one of his attempts, eventually yelling at him to stop trying to touch his belongings or else he would be arrested – invoking authority that I do not have, but it intimidated him enough to stop.

I finally got to the item that the x-ray operator could not identify. It was in a navy blue sleeve that had a dark and damp spot on it. I could see that the passenger was fidgeting more and more, anxious at what I was about to unveil.

As I pulled back the sleeve, I instantly became horrified at what I had uncovered. The passenger himself had turned around, hiding the shame that was on his face. What I had uncovered was a fleshlight – an apparatus that resembles the vagina, used for bringing pleasure to the male. After I realized what it was, and in doing so almost lost my lunch, I threw it back into his bag, zipped it up, and sent him on his way.