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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

2-26-24 PDF
February 26, 2024
An inside look at Bobby B. Beacon’s insides. Illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano/ Mass Media Staff.
Bobby's Inside Story
February 26, 2024

It’s All in the Hips

Allow me to preface this column by saying I in no way, shape, or form consider myself a “sexpert.” In fact, some would consider me a late bloomer. What I am doing here is simply gathering data and forming quirky little opinions so that you may do the same, and perhaps you virgins out there will learn a thing or two. Let’s cut to the chase.

They say size doesn’t matter. It’s not the size of the wave but the motion of the ocean… Well, we’ve probably heard them all, if not from the little man in the bar, then from your mother who desperately wants grandchildren regardless of your man’s girth, or from your female friend who is defending her smaller-than-average-man. Whatever the case may be, 99% of the time size does matter, right?

Well, I will have you know that in my case as well as that of many of my female friends, a larger phallus does the trick MUCH more easily. Why would I attempt to endorse the man who keeps slipping and falling short? Yes, perhaps he can get the job done, but you must admit there are several positions that lie out of reach, and I myself do not like limitations.

A friend of mine played victim to a wee-man during her college years. He was the boy who girls swooned over: he was good-looking, charming, confident, and had landed a lot of pussycats. Unfortunately, he was not very well endowed. My friend only ever called him when she was drunk and desperate, and out of all the times he laid down the pipe, she can’t recall a single time where she actually felt it. As for another girlfriend of mine, her man was so small that when she was on all fours, she confused his little friend for a finger.

On the other hand, my first was a part of the Gold Club (Magnums of course). Not to brag (because I was only his second and he was still confused), his size certainly made up for the lack of experience. Even after we decided to do it again years after we broke up, he was still not half bad.

All in all, this is just to give you some insight and perhaps a reality check. That’s not to say that a bigger man can’t be like a Prada bag, that is, looks fabulous but is not practical, but hey, to each his own. I appreciate a man with aspirations and if your wee-man is getting the job done, then you go, girl (or boy).

Until next time my darlings…