Aries: March 21st – April 19th Watch your temper with special regard to your significant other or closest friend. A small disagreement late in the week has the potential to turn into a veritable WWIII, ending with the two of you crying in separate corners of the room. Taurus: April 20th – May 20th Tenacious, focused you’ve got it going on but there is a certain lacking in your life. You crave the firm but gentle touch of an experienced bullfighter, someone who can take you by the horns and make you love them. Gemini: May 21st – June 21st Your lofty ideals and usual high spirits will be crushed by reality around 4:30 in the afternoon Thursday. Not to worry though a small miracle of nature, like an ant carrying a leaf far larger than itself will cheer you right up. Cancer: June 22nd – July 22nd Seek psychiatric help immediately for your safety and the safety of those around you. Leo: July 23rd – August 22nd You’ve made quite a splash these last two weeks. Most of your professors know your name. You have demonstrated you intellect deftly. Dial it back this week or you will soon find it hard to balance on that pedestalVirgo: August 23rd – September 22ndYou must use your mighty powers of deduction to uncover the secret motive behind your platonic friends innocent invitation to skinny dip, before it’s to late.Libra: September 23rd – October 22nd You might find that your high class taste doesn’t quite jive with your middle class budget. Consider more creative ways to set your style. Did you know discarded Mass Media’s make trendy hats?Scorpio: October 23rd – November 21st Make a concerted effort to reach out to people this week. Your returns will be plentiful, avoid pongee sticks. Sagittarius: November 22nd – December 21st Place your bets! This is a good week for you to take a shot, put it all on red, go all in,balls out, 4-1 hail Mary pass to the end zone, take it to the limit, seize your destiny by the webos and make it your bitch..Capricorn: December 22nd – January 19th Over indulgence in extracurricular activities will lead to great deal of fun and excitement. Enjoy!Aquarius: January 19th – February 18thWhat’s up super-fly. Have fun trail blazing in your super sexy style that’s all your own, the opposite sex is starting to pick up what your putting down know what I’m saying?Pisces: February 19th – March 20thJourney to the center of your mind. Replenish your spiritual self in whatever manner you see fit, provided it’s not too illegal – nothing above a misdemeanor