Aries

Fatigue caused by sleep deprivation will cause you to have poor judgment, to be curt to everyone, and eventually cause you to be tormented by vivid hallucinations the focus of which will be your 4th grade gym teacher.

Taurus

Expect an unexpected package. Be wary of its contents approach with caution.

Gemini

A younger sibling is plotting against you. Their plot will be successful unless you take steps to make amends for the injustice you had done them.

Cancer

Most of the week will be a real drag until Friday, when an orifice in desperate need of filling will be stuffed to capacity.

Leo

Try out some new money making strategies the market should play in your favor. Whatever you do to make money consider diversifying. You say your into stocks add some bonds, Sell a little pot? Maybe push some pills, you know mix it up.

Virgo

You will get a taste of the highlife this week when you become an unwilling traveling companion to a bearded stranger on a grand adventure.

Libra

“Woke up this morning can’t believe what I saw hundred million bottles washed up on the shore, seems I’m not alone in being alone, hundred billion castaways looking for a home.” Oddly suitable words from the Police Message in a Bottle

Scorpio

Dare to dream, you’ve got a hankering for some forbidden fruit, indulge if you can, the darker the berry the sweeter the juice.

Sagittarius

Take excruciatingly specific, detailed notes on your best friends pick-up routine, you might just learn a thing or too and maybe pick up some of his throw away trim.

Capricorn

No filthy sexcapades for you this week as you will spend most of your time fretting over the results of a very, very important blood test. Don’t worry you’ll pass.

Aquarius

Ever hear of the Age of Aquarius? Well this is not it; bury your head in the sand wait for next week when the clouds just may be parting.

Pisces

An inopportune and lengthy hiccupping fit with cost you the chance of a lifetime.