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The Mass Media

Hang in There

A word of advice: Try not to mix your liquors. Its a huge

A word of advice: Try not to mix your liquors. It’s a huge mistake.

Many of us have been in the precarious position of over-drinking before we know it. As you left your place, you said, “One drink, maybe two, then back to studying.” Five beers and three shots later, you’re looking at an all-nighter.

There are two things you can do once you have realized you’re not going to stop drinking. One, call out of work or decide to skip class. Two, prepare for the inevitable fight against the dreaded hangover.

The question then becomes, what is the best way to combat hangovers?

First you have to realize there is no ‘cure.’ There are only things that can help alleviate your symptoms, or not. That being said, let’s take a look at some of these ‘cures.’

Some remedies take a passive approach: they allegedly are supposed to help you after the fact. You made bad decisions all night, so why not make some good ones in the morning?

According to AskMen.com, eating plain toast in the morning can help. Unfortunately they don’t say what the hell it’s supposed to help you with. There is no evidence to back up the claim that toast helps you with anything, so I’d avoid it if I were you. There have to be better choices.

A more helpful tip on AskMen.com suggests having a teaspoon of honey to soothe your throat. Let’s file that under “The Obvious.”

The Internet offers many solutions, but like most things on the World Wide Web, it’s probably not a good idea. One of the more peculiar remedy suggestions I found was rubbing a lemon or lime in the armpit of your drinking hand. It can’t hurt, right?

Perhaps my favorite suggested hangover cure I came across is to drink more in the morning, otherwise known as the ‘hair-of-the-dog’ approach. It seems logical enough, because when I’m faced with putting out a fire, I use more fire.

As it turns out, there are drinks that are specifically made for you to drink while drinking. Drinks like MERCY claim that if you consume them while you’re partaking of alcohol, you will not suffer the pains of a hangover.

The producers of MERCY go so far as to refer to it multiple times as a miracle; in fact, we’re told it’s our “Angel of Mercy.” While it’s true that this product is full of vitamins and other things that can help relieve you, there is something unsettling about being able to overdo it on MERCY. It clearly states that it’s not a good idea to drink more than three in a 24-hour period.

I found my hangover cure search on the Internet less than satisfying, so I went to an emergency room doctor for answers.

Dr. Jonathan Pierce got his degree in medicine from the University of New England, and was kind enough to clue me in on what really helps when you’re feeling the pain from a hangover.

“Take anti-inflammatories like ibuprofen and plenty of fluids, but not plain water. Something with electrolytes would be best, Gatorade or Powerade, something like that. You should eat a high-calorie, fatty meal as well, like bacon, egg and cheese,” said Dr. Pierce.

He went on to say that it’s just about reloading what your body has lost: “You really just want to replenish your glucose and electrolytes, and get your physiology back to normal.” Dr. Pierce added as a final statement, “You can always avoid hangovers by not drinking to excess.”

Bizarre Cures – Never mind the greasy breakfast. Next time you find yourself in a less than stellar situation, give one of these Internet-suggested hangover cures a try:

Deep-fried canaries –  Ancient Romans used this remedy and they conquered the world, so how could it be wrong?

Dried bull penis – This time, the Sicilians offer up a cured meat of a different nature.

Rabbit poo tea – This Wild West pick-me-up perked up cowboys on the trail after a debaucherous evening.

Cucumber juice – An innocuous choice in comparison, this cure comes from Russia. And what would they know about heavy drinking?