Tuesday, February 15

10:52 a.m. -Hit and run accident in the parking garage.12:03 p.m. -Larceny reported on the first level of the Administration Building. Robble robble.12:10 p.m. -False alarm in the lower level of the Campus Center.3:35 p.m. -Someone pulled the alarm in the Service Building.4:49 p.m. -Automobile accident on University Drive East. Two cars collided. Driver of first car was severely inebriated. Second car turned out to be the McCormack Building.

Wednesday, February 16

5:23 p.m. -Automobile accident on the Clark Fire Lane. Parties exchanged papers but no injuries were reported, on the outside.

Thursday, February 17

7:27 p.m. -University police assist Boston Police in an investigation off campus.10:35 p.m. -Cleaner reported being harassed by supervisor. You say I’m dirty but how come my conscious is so clean?

Friday, February 18

12:15 p.m. -Domestic dispute reported in the receiving area. Male was given a warning.4:42 p.m. -Automobile accident on Bianculli Boulevard. Motor vehicle hit a shuttle bus. Person in car was taken to the hospital. Students on shuttle bus mildly pissed off.

Saturday, February 19

8:36 a.m. -False alarm in the Service Building. Everything Okay. Or is it?

Sunday, February 20

8:00 a.m. -False alarm in the Campus Center. Everything Okay, except for the guy who was in the middle of his morning deuce and was forced to abandon his post. Party had to continue the rest of the day commando.

Monday, February 21

12:00 p.m. -Automobile accident on Bianculli Boulevard. Car hit a tree. Mother squirrel was killed. Orphan squirrels were confiscated by Sodexho.