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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

Michael Jordan to Coach Men’s Baketball Team

Michael Jordan to Coach Mens Baketball Team

Word came over the weekend that NBA superstar Michael Jordan will be the head coach of the UMass Boston men’s basketball team come next season. Jordan is to retire from the Washington Wizards following the end of the 2002-03 season and playoffs.

Charlie Titus, the current men’s basketball coach and also athletic director, said he was confused by the announcement, since he is involved in the hiring of all coaches.

“I am at a loss,” said Titus. “Although I am excited that a personality and talent such as Michael Jordan will be joining our staff, I’m not sure where that leaves me.”

Reactions from the team have been mixed. One member of the team felt that Jordan is in a win-win situation by coming to UMB, but for reasons that have to do with basketball.

“Of course he won’t mind coaching here,” said the player. “There are plenty of good golf courses around [the Greater Boston area] and those casinos, Mohegan Sun and Foxwoods, are not that far away. In fact, I don’t expect [Jordan] to attend many practices or games. It would eat up a lot of his time.

Other reactions have more vitrolic. “Why that dude want to come here?” said one particularly irate player. “The locker room will probably stink to high heaven with that God awful, smelly Jordan cologne. Also his being the coach would mean that pipsqueak, ass kisser Ahmad Rashad would be hanging around all the time.”

Other players have endorsed the move with enthusiasm. “[Jordan] is the Man, even if he is old. S**t, don’t mean nothing that he has no experience [as a coach]. He could suit up if he needed to. Don’t he have one year of eligibility left?”

Efforts to contact either Jordan or his agent for comment proved unsuccessful and disheartening.