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UMass Boston's independent, student-run newspaper

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Mass Media

Subject: J. Stone Laraway II

I was pleased to read J. Stone Laraway II’s letter to the editor in this week’s edition of the paper, particularly the part regarding his opinion that yelling, screaming, and heckling are all protected by the First Amendment to the Bill of Rights. What I found so pleasing about it was that I saw it as a personal invitation to do something that I’ve wanted to do for a while, which is heckle the pompus Mr. Laraway II.

I read this paper every week, and have since I first enrolled in the University. And it seems that practically every week Mr. Laraway II has a new hair across his ass that he thinks we, the student populous, should actually give a damn about. I’ve always wondered why it is that he thinks any of us could or would care about what he has to say, particularly since he comes across as such an asshole.

Sometimes I think he’s just overcompensating for being a Jr. That’s where that J. Stone Laraway II business comes in. No one’s a II. The roman numerals and the pretension start at III. Before that you’re either the original or some lesser product of that original, not even worthy of your own name. Diminutive, sniveling, whiney, little junior.

I guess I can understand why he’s so annoying. It’s a coping mechanism. It’s a way to get the attention that his parents never gave him. Isn’t it, Jr.? But while I can understand it, I find that it irratates me beyond the point of any possible compassion, and it makes me want to meet him solely so I can tell him to shut up.

So I was wondering if maybe the Mass Media could arrange something for me. I would like to set up a meeting whereby I can exercise my First Amendment rights and see if Jr. can manage to, “have the courage and self-confidence to walk away,” while I shout emotionally charged personal attacks at him just for being who he is, and feeling however he may.

What do you say? Will you help me? I bet I could get him to deck me, and blow his whole obnoxious holier than thou stance to shit. It’d be fun.

Sincerely,Alissa JohnsonCAS, 2004