Tuesday, March 25

8:18pm- A party was injured in the Lower Level Garage of the Science Center after walking through a low doorway. The party called campus police so someone could check on the doorway. The doorway was fine, suffered no injuries, and insists that the entire incident was a misunderstanding.

Wednesday, March 26

12:22pm- Health Services received annoying phone calls. The annoying phone calls have been an ongoing problem and the responsible student has been reported to the Dean of Students. Authorities are contemplating letting James Earl Jones kick the student’s ass, for the flagrant disregard and lack of respect for the telephone.

4:09pm- A larceny was reported in the Administration Building. A former employee of the financial aid office, who graduated last June, returned to the office, only to find that the property that had been left in the office was missing. It is likely that the property was auctioned off in an effort to raise funds for financial aid.

Thursday, March 27

10:35am- A medical assist was needed in the Healey Building after a party reported feeling light-headed and dizzy. The party was escorted to Health Services.

Friday, March 28

1:42pm- A party reported that the gas cap was stolen from their car, which was parked under the McCormack Building. It remains a mystery as to why the entire car was not worth stealing.

Sunday, March 29

12:12am- Alarm calls occurred in the Clark Center, due to computer malfunctions. It is said that the noises emitted from the alarms sound “cool.”