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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

The Kingpin – 3/11/04

Dear Kingpin,

I have a boy in my class who I want to spark something romantic with. He’s a complete mystery to me, because he is so shy and quiet. How do I snag a date? Sincerely,Tiki

Dear Tiki,

Seduction is war! You must view your potential date as an enemy citadel, and you must be the commanding officer who lays siege to that fortress. Every step of this war must be planned and executed with an undercover spy’s talent for observation. The strongest first move in this war is indirection. Don’t mistake indirection for non-action. You must approach him if you really want this, but approach your mystery man as a friend. Sit next to him the next time you have class together. If you are close by, you will be more likely to be the one he talks to when he gets bored or the talking bug bites him. Maybe you could even manage to turn this in-class conversation into an after-class lunch. If I were you, I would ask other classmates if they would like to go with you two to lunch the first time you expand your relationship outside of the classroom. Even if they say no, you have still made the effort to let him see that you want to be friends. This is your Trojan horse. Use it the way the Greeks did, and you will share in their success. By appearing to be his friend, you gain access to useful information that a girlfriend would never be allowed to know. With this information, you can make a crush into a husband if that is your heart’s desire. If not, you can leave him wanting more long after you have moved on. While you are waiting for a chance to make your move, make sure he sees you surrounded by beautiful men who appear to desire you, whether they actually do or not. When the chance finally does come for you to make your move, you must arrange for him to bump into you someplace completely unexpectedly. (Unexpectedly, that is, for him. You, however, will know exactly where and when to find him, since you have spent so much time watching and waiting.) By appearing in the most unlikely of places, you will become a complete mystery to your Mystery Man. Good luck!

The Kingpin