Monday, October 252:04 p.m. – Door alarm in the Science Center. It’s all good.

Tuesday, October 269:49 a.m. – Stealing stuff on the tenth floor of Healey Library. Robble robble.10:17 a.m. – A party known for his thievery and harassment is reported as a suspicious person on the fourth floor of McCormack. Impudent knave!11:24 a.m. – Alarm in the Service Building. I am told that’s over by Quinn.11:58 a.m. – Rotten thieves in McCormack.2:44 p.m. – More theft in Wheatley Hall. I hear theft is all the rage in Paris this season.

Wednesday, October 272:41 p.m. – Toll booth alarm in the Lower Garage.6:14 p.m. – Alarm inadvertently set off in the Service Building, again.

Thursday, October 2810:59 a.m. – Truck pulling out of the Service Building is struck by the door.9:56 p.m. – A small amount of marijuana was found during a motor vehicle stop. You can’t keep a small amount of oregano in your car then the terrorists have already won.

Friday, October 296:07 a.m. – Fun with alarms in the Service Building.8:16 a.m. – Alarm on the third floor of McCormack.3:00 p.m. – Alarm set off accidentally in Wheatley.