Monday, November 111:28 a.m. – Larceny in the Science Center. I know where you can buy a triple-beam balance real cheap.12:02 p.m. – Alarm call in the Service Building. Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!1:47 p.m. – Medical assist in the Campus Center. Party fell in the Lower Level Cafeteria and was taken to the hospital.5:01 p.m. – Trashcan fire extinguished in the Upper Level of the Science Building.

Tuesday, November 28:19 a.m. – Staff member in Healey Library received an obscene phone call.6:01 p.m. – Fire in an ashtray outside Wheatley Hall extinguished. The investigators have narrowed it down to 1,000 suspects.

Wednesday, November 36:05 a.m. – Alarm call in the Science Center.9:58 a.m. – Accident and property damage on the Lower Level of McCormack.2:28 p.m. – Party with a wheelchair malfunction was taken to the Ross Center.3:00 p.m. – Larceny in the library. The book “Larceny for Dummies” mysteriously missing.

Thursday, November 411:49 a.m. – False mechanical fire in McCormack.1:14 p.m. – Complaint about a party giving a game room employee a hard time in the Campus Center. MORTAL KOMBAT!1:33 p.m. – Medical assist in Wheatley Hall. Party transported to the hospital.2:23 p.m. – Accident in South Lot. Person taken to the hospital in an ambulance.2:44 p.m. – Hit and run accident reported in Lower Level Science Center garage.8:04 p.m. – Fingers assaulted by a car door in the Administration Building.

Friday. November 511:13 a.m. – Accident and property damage in Science Building garage. Crazy women drivers…4:38 p.m. – Larceny in the Campus Center. I guess those “for Dummies” books really do help.

Saturday, November 62:19 a.m. – Alarm in McCormack.3:05 p.m. – Missing person from Campus Center. Father concerned about his daughter following an argument and reported her missing. The daughter was found and determined to be no longer missing.11:04 p.m. -A vehicle stopped for a moving violation on University Dr. fled the scene nearly hitting an officer on foot and a UMB police cruiser. The party driving proceeded to Harbor Point, crashing through a gate, hitting parked cars, and eventually bailing out of the vehicle. State police K-9 units responded, located the driver, and placed him under arrest. Charges were filed for aggravated assault, assault with dangerous weapon, and Operating Under the Influence.Friday, November 712:26 a.m. – Trash fire extinguished in Upper Level garage.2:51 p.m. – False mechanical fire in McCormack.