Monday, September 13

9:22 a.m. – False sprinkler system alarm in the Campus Center.

6:42 p.m. – Staff reported a suspicious person in the bookstore. The incident turned out to be a misunderstanding. Now that most of us have bought all our books they’ve got nothing better to do.

8:56 p.m. – A Gateway computer monitor was recovered by an officer on patrol in the Healey Library fire lane.

Tuesday, September 14

5:31 p.m. – Person stopped for motor vehicle violation was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol.

9:44 p.m. – Some idiot pulled the fire alarm in the McCormack Building.Wednesday, September 15

8:35 a.m. – A wallet was reported stolen in the Campus Center.

12:39 p.m. – Person in a Campus Center office received a phone call from “Detective Paul Wright” of the UMB Police instructing her to meet him in the lobby. She refused, called UMBPD, and it turns out that there is no Detective Paul Wright. I’ve got goose bumps.

2:12 p.m. – A larceny that occurred at an earlier time was reported.

2:43 p.m. – Suspicious vehicle on University Drive North turned out to be an illegally parked car.

Thursday, September 16

10:20 a.m. – Female student reported feeling ill in the Science Center, she was transported to Boston Medical Center.

8:10 p.m. – Person reported a wallet stolen from her purse in Wheatley Hall. It must’ve been an ugly purse.

Friday, September 17

4:01 p.m. – The alarm in the Bursar’s Office was accidentally set off by the cleaning crew. Someone’s getting fired.

11:00 a.m. – Someone lost something a while ago and it magically reappeared in Wheatley Hall.