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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

Living in denial: No escape from reality

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Bianca Oppedisano
A person sitting distraught with binary numbers behind them. Illustration by Bianca Oppedisano / Mass Media Staff.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy? I apologize—sincerely—that I may be bursting your bubble, but newsflash, a—hole, it’s just fantasy. And guess what? I know you may be caught in a landslide, thinking you’re constantly having to put up with the struggles of everyday life. Well, I’m here to tell you that there’s such a thing as trying harder. The only downside is that no matter how hard you try, there’s NO escape from reality. 

It’s time to stop living in denial because as comforting as that can be, “stepping out of your comfort zone” is a saying for a reason. We live in a simulation, but I’m sure some of you may already be aware of that. If you’re not, I don’t know what to tell ya. Cheers, I guess. No, literally, go to Cheers. Hollywood’s been sending subliminal messages since the ‘80s. You know what Cheers is? The place where everybody knows your name, AKA Earth. You’re on inter-dimensional cable. Another subliminal message sent by Hollywood, who’d have thought?

If you haven’t become self aware yet, first off, how? Second, know that when you do become self aware, everything is not what it seems; you actually don’t need to be careful not to mess with the balance of things. And before I go any further, no, this isn’t some “Truman Show” type BS, or “Inception,” or “The Matrix.”

The real notion of reality is that everybody is living in their own simulated world. Is it a video game? A movie? A medically-induced coma? A non-medically-induced coma? Well, my friend, that’s for me, you and everybody else in this world flooded with a lack of continuity to find out. Because as much as I may seem like I’m an expert in the field, I don’t know what the f— this s— is. But you see, I’m a firm believer in the idea of solipsism, which basically means that I don’t know who’s real or has a stream of consciousness in this reality.

Maybe I’m here communicating with a bunch of robots that used to talk like Sims. Maybe there’s a hidden camera somewhere allowing me to break the fourth wall, like Malcolm from “Malcolm in the Middle.” Hopefully, nobody would bat an eye if I just started talking to an audience out of thin air, but am I too much of a wuss to test that theory out?

Perhaps. 

All I know is that if you’re struggling with the same things, then I guess I can believe you’re human…for now. 

Now, that doesn’t mean you can just go around the world willy-nilly like you’re a playable character from “Grand Theft Auto.” That would be plain silly, and you don’t want to be a silly goose, do you? You will, however, realize that you can still have fun with what you got. Here, I’ll give you some pointers in navigating this extremely layered, complex, higher powered forsaken place. 

For starters, like I mentioned before, Hollywood sends subliminal messages. You know why? They’re all people from the outside world with headsets on causing a ruckus and living the sweet life. Sometimes, though, they grow empathetic and try to throw us NPCs a bone. The same goes for the government; Hollywood throws them bones, too. I mean, think about it. Do you really think they just happened to perfectly predict the anatomy of an alien? No! It’s probably E.T.’s stunt double for crying out loud! 

Take a look at the movies and TV shows they’ve sent us over the years. Case in point: the films mentioned above. Same with all the shows revolving around ghost hunting and mediumship. They’re just “communicating with the higher realms,” or, you know, live with a brain chip that enables them to talk to the video game addicts we call our overlords. Hell, Adam Sandler is probably some 15-year-old, given the amount of comedies he’s produced over the years that are oversaturated with toilet-humor. The guy even dresses like a high schooler in this world!

Look, I know it’s hard to fathom, but bear with me because this is where it gets extremely tricky. They’re all in headsets…does that mean we’re wearing them too? Well, that could be the case, or the people around us could be figments of our imagination that we conjured up. People try to tell us that aliens exist and the universe is this vast space of emptiness. But with aliens and ghosts coming from this “higher realm,” I genuinely wouldn’t be surprised if there’s a dome that caps everything off after the atmosphere.

If the aliens are actors, I’m sure the astronauts are too. What is there to hide up there, anyway? Don’t tell me the moon is fake; you really had me thinking the moon landing was real, but as a Cancer, I don’t wanna believe that my emotions are ruled by this big block of cheese. Wait, I’m a Gemini moon. TAKE THAT S— DOWN!

Plus, with the scenario revolving around the dome, I feel like being trapped here makes it almost poetic in a sense, like it’s a reflection that we’re trapped in our own minds. You can read the room, but you can’t escape it. If we could, we likely would have by now, because if they can escape, then there has to be a way out for us, right? That being said, this is where you can shift your mindset; after all, you’re the creator of your own reality. That’s why manifestation has been an ongoing theme in our lives, subconsciously or not.

This place can work wonders if you let it. Some of those so-called “canon events” are inescapable, like burning your finger in the car cigarette lighter. But, moving on from those core memories we all share for one reason or another, allow me to let you in on a little secret. The universe runs on wit. Sarcasm, irony, puns, the whole nine yards. When someone says they’re at their wit’s end, that’s a cry for help. They think their entire world’s crumbling around them.

The good news is, you can avoid the feeling of impending doom by manifesting what you want by being witty with your internal monologue. Going to a Bruins game and wanna see a nasty goal? Let your mind flow freely and aim for originality. The higher powers like a good joke that they’ve never heard before. Feel free to use cultural references too, they love a good ego trip. Anything that makes you burst out a chuckle while your mind runs a thousand miles a minute will likely generate good karma. 

Better yet, go do this at a casino. Bet $100 on black at the roulette table. If that doesn’t work, that’s a message to double down. If you’re $300 down now, just wait until the early morning hours, they’re usually asleep by then; it’s our lives after all, who died and made them royalty? Certainly not you. Use numbers 7, 10, 24, 22, 9, 16, 1…wait, f—, no! Make that 6, 19, 21, 28, 27, 13 and 33, all in that order. Thank me later. 

Life is tough sometimes, and this type of news may only make it unbearable. For all we know, I could be a figment of your imagination or you could be a figment of mine. Hell, we could all just be a figment of Elon Musk’s immature, sexual-innuendo-ridden poop emoji of a subconscious. People like to picture him as God; I picture him as someone with s— for brains. The bottom line is, Newton’s first law can be applied to everyday life; the universe is in motion and we’re all an integral part of it. It’s our job to embrace the unknown to avoid getting caught up in existential dread. 

That being said, Musk shouldn’t be idolized, Freddie Mercury should. He was the first higher power to advocate for leaking the news to everyone else as well as the first to warn us of the dangers of exposure to this cataclysmic kaleidoscope we call reality, and he did a damn good job doing it. It’s time we recognized that, so join me in celebrating our divine counterpart, because truth be told, he may be the most valuable presence pulling strings “up there.”

About the Contributors
Nick Collins, Sports Editor
Bianca Oppedisano, Illustrator