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The Mass Media

The Mass Media

2-26-24 PDF
February 26, 2024
An inside look at Bobby B. Beacon’s insides. Illustrated by Bianca Oppedisano/ Mass Media Staff.
Bobby's Inside Story
February 26, 2024

What UMB house are you? Take this quiz and find out!

  1. What is your favorite movie of all time?

a.  Shrek

b.  Shrek 2

c.  Shrek the Third

d.  Shrek Forever After

       2. Your secret crush catches you creepily staring at them. How do you             react?

a.  Break the ice by singing “Hey Jude” by The Beatles, but stop abruptly once they join in.

b.  I’d take off my shoes and socks only to put them back on with my socks over my shoes.

c.  Nothing. I mean, I wouldn’t break eye contact if that’s what you’re asking.

d.  I’d die.

       3. Which of these things would you prefer over one million dollars?

a.  The power to sync your mind to Wikipedia at will.

b.  A lifetime supply of burritos made to your liking.

c.  Twenty-four minutes alone in a room, unsupervised with Elon Musk.

d.  You get to be Bucky Barnes for one day.

       4. After a hard exam, a classmate admits to you that they cheated.               What do you do?

a.  Politely, but sternly remind them that Bobby Beacon sees all.

b.  I’d put my hand on their shoulder, admit I cheated too and have a good laugh.

c.  I would ridicule them for cheating, when in actuality, I had also cheated.

d.  I’d invite them over to my place to watch “Ghostbusters 2” and eat Cheez-Its.

       5. Which of these fictional characters would you MOST want to get stuck         in an elevator with?

a.  Velma Dinkley from “Scooby Doo.”

b.  Thanos

c.  George Washington

d.  Daniel Radcliffe’s portrayal of Weird Al Yankovic

       6.  A wizard from an alternate dimension appears to you in a dream and         offers you powers beyond your wildest dreams. What power would you           choose?

a.  The power to read the thoughts of fellow dolphins.

b.  The power to jump so high, you can touch the sky.

c.  The power to eat as much lead as you want without getting sick.

d.  The power to make and maintain healthy relationships.

       7.  An asteroid is hurtling toward the planet and will strike tomorrow.             How do you spend your final day?

a.  With my friends and family of course! I’m not a complete dirtbag.

b.  I’d fix myself a drink, climb up on the roof and watch the world burn.

c.  Spaghetti

d.  I’d head to Dave & Buster’s to cash in all my DB points.


Tally up your scores! The letter you chose the most of corresponds to your UMass Boston house!
a.  You’re the Healey library! You’re an intellectual with a strong sense of morality. You may be a bit of a bore, but there’s no denying that you’re one smart cookie.

b.  You’re McCormack! You’re the kind of person that you wouldn’t want to run into in a dark alley. You’re a determined individual and one tough cookie.

c.  You’re Wheatley. You’re the kind of person who would be described as “unique” by people who were trying not to be mean. These were very obviously the “bad” answers, so I’m not really sure what you expected. No cookie for you!

d.  You’re University Hall! You’re hip, trendy and have impeccable fashion sense. There is absolutely nothing that a person wouldn’t do to be your friend. You’re an organic oatmeal raisin cookie on sale at Whole Foods for $3.99.
If you somehow managed to end in a tie: congratulations! You broke the test! You must be feeling like a real bonafide brainiac right now. Do you want to know what your UMass Boston house is? You’re that dilapidated brick shack overlooking the ocean on the Harbor Walk. I hope you’re happy.

About the Contributor
Joe DiPersio, Humor Editor