Dear UMBeMine: I have this friend I get together with regularly. But he always comes over to my house, and I end up cooking dinner. I feel like I’m taking care of him, and a little bit sponged off. I really like him as a person and we always have fun, I just don’t want to be his mother.Always Cooking in Cambridge

Dear Always Cooking,

It sounds like your friend likes to be babied a little bit. And girl, you are NOT his mother. Every time you cook for him you are enabling his “sponginess.” Boys who miss their mommies need to grow up and take care of themselves, not replace mom with pushover friend.

Next time he comes over, make him do the dishes. Or, you could say, “You know what? I don’t really feel like cooking. Let’s go out.” If he tries to get out of going out to dinner, (or asks you to pay), then he might be even more of a moocher than you thought. In that case, I might rethink the friendship, especially if it seems he’s only there for the free food. He might be fun to hang out with, but how much fun can you have being stuck in the kitchen every night?With love,’Cat

Dear Always Cooking,I agree with ‘Cat. If you enjoy his company, but are uncomfortable, change the parameters of the relationship. Have him bring the food the next few times. (And rent the movie, if you watch one.) Also, good guests are usually willing to help out with the clean up. If he won’t do these things, then maybe it’s time to move your friendship out of your apartment and into the real world.Yours, Lovechester

Disclaimer:Neither of us has any formal training or licensure as psychotherapists; we don’t claim to be one or substitute as one. (If you need professional help, please go get it.) If, however, you want to hear how two open-minded, plain-speaking students (who’ve been around a few blocks and have ready ears and shoulders) might approach a given sex or relationship circumstance, you’ve come to the right place.

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