Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things

Children Shouldnt Play with Dead Things

Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things

Denez McAdoo

Damn things just won’t stay dead!

By Denez McADOOStaff Writer

Dr. Butcher M.D. orZombie Holocaust orQueen of the Cannibals or…one of six other confirmed titles”He’s a depraved, homicidal killer …and he makes house calls!”1979

Director – Francesco Martino or Marino Girolami84 min – rated R …probably

Let me begin by mentioning that during my pre-game Internet research for this film I found out that there actually are practicing physicians named Dr. Butcher. Yeah, well…

Let me also start by telling a little tale that I think should qualify as my community service for the week. Got to stay on the big man’s good side, right? I was talking to a so-called “friend” of mine who mentioned that he read this very B-movie column occasionally, and he enjoyed it’s mildly funny sophomoric humor, but he just didn’t know where one would actually go about finding the little-known movie titles that are expounded upon in this rag. Well, finding cut-rate obscure films can be a tough job and takes dedication, determination, patience, good looks, ample endowment, moral integrity, and, most importantly, moxie. Luckily, it doesn’t take much money, thanks to a little thing called technological planned obsolescence. Yes, since every one from your kid sister to Grandma Ethel has jumped on the DVD bandwagon, old VHS tapes have been left to the wayside. Screw DVDs! Any movie made prior to the 1990s most likely won’t utilize surround sound, especially in the case of low budget horror, and in most cases any grainy reduction in resolution will only add to the what-kind-of-perverts-made-this cinéma vérité feel of sleaze cinema.

“But what about the deleted scenes?” I know every college film nerd with mom and dad’s credit card will be asking this question so I have to address it. Deleted scenes are roughly the equivalent of going to a fancy restaurant, eating a delicious meal, then once your finished, the cook comes out and shows you the little bits of food he didn’t use when cooking. Most of the time, deleted scenes are deleted for a reason: they suck. The only advantage to DVDs is that they’re often the longer restored print versions that haven’t had all the gore scenes edited out. But there’s literally hundreds of films on VHS that haven’t been released on DVD; so convince your uncle that they’re worthless, then sell them on eBay. Sucker!

First rule of gore films: don’t expect to pay more then $5 for a VHS and $10 for a DVD, unless it’s something really good like Evil Dead or Day of the Dead. Here are some hotspots in and around the Boston area: – Cheapo Records – 645 Mass Ave in Cambridge. I heard the owner has a warehouse full of VHS and DVDs that he slowly lets trickle out into the store, and as the name implies, their cheapo! – Looney Tunes – 1106 Boylston St., Boston, and 1001 Mass Ave., Cambridge. Two locations offer a so-so selection and the movies are priced too high. But as long as they have their buy three for $10 deal, it’s worth a shot. – Nuggets – 486 Comm. Ave. Boston. – they have movies for rent and for sale, so it gets frustrating when you find something cool, but can’t buy it. – Hollywood Express – several Boston locations. This is just a movie rental store but they have a great selection of indie, foreign, horror, and cult films. Kinda’ pricy though.

OK, the last place I’m going to mention is a recent find for me, discovered accidentally on misguided tofu excursion. It is in my opinion, the Holy Grail of obscure low-budget horror films, and you would never know it by the outside appearance. It is a little neighborhood convenience store run by an old Indian couple that have no idea of the splatter-film treasure trove that they sit on. It’s called Inman Square Supermarket – 1343 Cambridge St. in Cambridge. They just happen to rent a huge pile of crappy movies, including Nintendo games (yes the original NES), and even some 1991 Topps Desert Storm trading cards. Perhaps this isn’t very PC of me, but this place is what a white suburban college kid like me would affectionately call, “totally ghetto,” and I absolutely love it. A huge collection of the weirdest and most bizarre in unheard-of horror films that most respectable stores wouldn’t dare to carry. Rentals are $2 a day, and you have to sign up for some sketchy membership thing that the owner keeps written on the back of a sheet of paper.

By the way, Dr. Butcher MD’s a cool film.